Fifty-Seven Inches Arrive at No. 11; Caucus Defends Gavel

Gus Measures the Desk

Mr. Ferreira measured the desk in the study twice, then a third time on principle. The monitor stands 24 inches tall and 19.7 inches deep, and the desk, he reported, "has opinions about that."

He carried it in himself, lecturing on knees the whole way. The twins supervised from the doorway. They are not permitted to touch anything that plugs in, and they observed the rule with the focus of a bomb squad.

"It's two," Ada began.

"Monitors," Felix finished. "Side by side."

This is roughly correct. The panel is as wide as two ultra-high-definition screens, which is why the carton had to be carried like a door. The stand swivels, tilts and rises, and it also accepts a standard VESA arm, which Mr. Ferreira said he could build. He then adjusted the stand three times without being asked. Mrs. Delacroix-Burke recorded this as approval. Mr. Ferreira recorded it as quality control.

The Gavel Must Not Be Stood Over

The study also holds the ceremonial gavel of the Cat-Owners' Caucus, which rests on a velvet cushion and may be touched by no one, including the Caucus. The cushion sat exactly where the monitor's base wanted to go.

The Cat-Owners' Caucus, whose bylaws rank owning a cat above every other achievement open to a human being, ruled that the gavel could not be moved, touched or stood over, and that anything rising above it must first be presented to the Chair.

Admiral Biscuit, the Caucus chair, received the presentation asleep, which the Caucus counts as a quorum. The ceremonial sash, required at all presentations, was laid across him by a Caucus officer who then withdrew, walking backward. Mr. Ferreira raised the stand to full height, and the screen cleared gavel and Chair by a margin he called "generous, for a cat." The Admiral wore the sash with the ease of long entitlement, and did not wake.

The assembled consisted of HOA President Mags Delacroix-Burke, Ada and Felix Okafor-Lindqvist, who are nine, and a box.

ORACLE Requests a Review

Mrs. Delacroix-Burke planned to put the agenda on the left half of the screen and ORACLE's live transcript on the right. The monitor's picture-by-picture mode shows two sources at once, each at its own native resolution, and the box came with the cables to try it: DisplayPort, HDMI, USB and power.

Before the agenda could appear, ORACLE asked for a formal performance review and reported that it felt the agenda was "mostly Belgium."

The agenda had one item. ORACLE added that it would be seeking references from "Mr. Gustavo Ferrari of No. 6," a man who does not exist and who has since been sent a casserole. Mrs. Delacroix-Burke thanked ORACLE for its candor and issued Memo 212, scheduling the review for "a date to be determined by the weather." ORACLE accepted with what the transcript recorded as "gratitude, or a front moving in."

Terms Regarding Brenda

Brenda was observed from the study window at the far end of the lane, at the foot of the porch at No. 2, watching the lit screen with the patience of a resident who outranks the room.

A debate followed on how the minutes should refer to her. Mrs. Delacroix-Burke proposed "the domesticated bear." Mr. Ferreira preferred "Brenda," on the grounds that she had never answered to anything else. Mrs. Delacroix-Burke ruled "Brenda" too familiar for a public record, and "bear" alone too vague, bears being, she noted, a large category.

Ada and Felix offered "Resident Bear, Under-Porch," and withdrew it when told it sounded like a position with a pension.

After forty minutes of debate, the study settled on "Brenda, Domesticated Bear (Under No. 2), hereinafter the Bear," a form Mrs. Delacroix-Burke said would survive an audit. Nobody walked to the window. That is the arrangement.

Adjourned Beneath a Wide Screen

The meeting began with the agenda on the left, ORACLE's transcript on the right, and Mrs. Delacroix-Burke reading both without opening a second window. It was the first meeting in lane history at which nobody said "can you scroll back up."

The drawbacks were entered into the record as well. The desk is now entirely consumed. The lamp has moved to a shelf. Mrs. Delacroix-Burke conceded that this is a monitor built for gaming, that no one in the study played anything, and that any desk narrower than 52.3 inches need not apply.

The meeting adjourned on time. Admiral Biscuit woke, shed the sash, stepped off the cushion and climbed into the empty box, which the Caucus ruled the Chair's new seat of office. The minutes list the monitor as a guest of the box.